Lost yet 'Found'

As I hailed the auto rickshaw, it was scorching as the sun was up. Nowadays it is terribly hot unlike what it used to be when I was a kid is what I thought of as I waved my hand up and down to get attention of a auto rickshaw driver. Soon the black and yellow three-wheeler stopped before me and asked where I wanted to go. I told him the address of the place of where I wanted to go.

“Eh~ that’s too far gramps, I don’t go there, ever” he said so and left.

And I went back to waving my hand. It was probably past noon, I was wearing a white kurta and a similar color dhoti which was hard to find nowadays, I was standing and waving, waiting for an auto rickshaw to take me to where I wanted to go, I just wanted to go that badly and to add to all this I was hungry. What exactly was I doing here?

Suddenly another auto rickshaw stopped before me and this one already had a passenger in it.

“Hey gramps tell me where you want to go, if you are going in the same direction as my passenger then I’ll be kind enough to charge you half the cost from here to her location and from there on I will count the difference” he said.

“What about her?” I asked as I noticed a woman wearing a sari, sat in the passenger seat who was staring somewhere else entirely.

“It’ll be fine, she won’t mind” he said and asked me where it was that I wanted to go.

I told him about my destination, at which the woman’s stare disturbed a bit but she did not show it so I was not sure of it. The driver said that it is the same place where the woman is supposed to go and that I should hop in. I sat in the auto rickshaw, being cautious of the fact that I needed to maintain the distance between me and the woman.

The auto rickshaw started accelerating towards the destination and I observed it, as it was adorned with decoration lights and the seat, which was quite fancy itself, was enhanced with a photo of a famous actor in the centre who was smiling is best in the picture. Apart from that the seat was quite comfortable to my delight. I noticed my right hand as it brushed the seat over the picture and brought it closer. It was a bit odd. It was odd that my hand was wrinkled and I so turned it to look at the palm which was soft as it was since my birth but now it looked like lumps of skin was inflated. It was not exactly swollen but it looked like the hand of an old man. What exactly am I doing here?

The auto rickshaw stopped at a red light, it was a famous junction and on the road across there was a hotel where brought memories. I pointed to that hotel and told the driver of how I used to go there with my friends during my college years to have a cup of tea and a cream roll and just chat away for hours. As I told him of my recollection, I noticed the woman notice the hotel and smile a little.

“Gramps it really is a good place to chat about things for the youth and the old, both different stations in life” the driver said.

The light became green and the auto rickshaw accelerated toward the destination. Through all the horns of the various vehicles behind us and ahead us, the woman whispered, “Those were really great times.”I turned to look at her but she was back to her staring only this time she was not as dull as before. I looked down and saw that she had been travelling in the rickshaw barefoot. I came to a conclusion that she might have been that desperate to get there where she wanted to go. She must’ve wanted to get there very badly. I swayed that thought out of my head and looked at whatever was visible of her face. Her face seemed familiar to me but I couldn’t quite place it as to how I knew her, but I did, probably. I wouldn’t ask her whether we are acquaintances, it does not matter. My attention drifts back to my right hand and I look at the palm and it still feels odd. What exactly am I doing here? With that the auto rickshaw came to a stop.

There was a gate on my left in front of which there were people standing looking troubled. These faces looked like they faced a trouble in which they were trying to search for something or someone. The faces turned to look at me. A girl stepped towards the rickshaw from the people standing at the gate and came at it. The woman got out of the auto rickshaw and the rest went to her, someone even paid the driver for the ride. The girl came at the rickshaw and looked straight at me as if she recognized me.

“Why are you here? Mom~ what happened?” she said as if she was troubled by my presence too but I had no idea why. “Don’t you come here again” she warned me.

The woman went to the girl, “Let’s go home”. The girl simply nodded. The auto rickshaw started again, it was my turn now to get to my destination. While it departed from the current its location, I noticed the woman look back; she had a tear in her eyes and a small grin on her face. That was odd.

Today was a lot odd and since I couldn’t handle anymore of this oddity I looked at the rearview mirror of the auto rickshaw in a way that I would have a proper look at myself. I saw my face. It was also wrinkled. I brought my hands to my face and touched it until it was enough for me to believe that I was actually old. I was an old man now.

The light was red and the auto rickshaw stopped at the famous junction and it gave a better view of the hotel now. It brought even more memories. Memories of how when I used to go there with my friends during my college years there was a person beside me. That person used to hold my right hand and would smile a little. It was my first love. That time was a lot precious. I wonder when I lost track of that time.

Before it gets green I ask the driver to take me back to the place from where I hailed it but just a bit further where there might be a home.

“Ehh~ you too want go there” he said. “Even that granny wanted to go there but when we got there she seemed lost as if she forgot just like that. I am grateful that there were some people who recognized her right away. It looked like they were searching for somebody.”

“Take me there, I’ll pay you double the amount” I said.  To which he replied saying “today really is odd.”

The light was green and the driver accelerated the auto rickshaw towards the new destination. I drifted to have a look in the rearview mirror again. I touched the face again, just a little this time. I looked at my right hand. That person used to hold it, only my right.

***

The old man goes silent for a while as he assembles the pieces of the puzzle. He remembers why her face seemed familiar but the heart feels a tug of grief and he only lets a small laugh out.

When people are desperate, they have only one thought, of going home. Home is a special place for everyone and everyone has his own version of it but it is not the infrastructure that people go after, they go after the person who makes it a home. Home is a home because of the feeling we get due to some precious persons. Sometimes when the desperation always lingers, home becomes the person, going beyond the physicality of the person and resting in its presence becomes the new home, a paradise.

The auto rickshaw comes to a stop and the old man gets out and finds his son waiting for him at the entrance. That day the old man realizes that he is losing his memories and finds himself missing, lost in search of his home.